


Not For Them

by Patolozka



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Fluff, Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-10-01 20:04:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20389177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patolozka/pseuds/Patolozka
Summary: Some things just are not meant for them...





	Not For Them

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet was beta-read by nieded, thank you!  
Please consider that this fic was meant to be just cute and funny. It's just a little teasing, nothing else...

They were in love. Aziraphale knew it, and he knew Crowley knew it too. Aziraphale was one hundred percent sure. It was in his golden eyes when he finally took his dark shades down. It was in his occasional smiles. It was in his tentative touches, in gentle touches they shared during their evenings together.

They knew each other so well, they could even share thoughts when needed or wanted, but still physical intimacy was something strange for them. Aziraphale knew many things about it from books. And Crowley… oh Crowley for sure knew many things about it from human films and TV shows or simply from his observations and temptings of humans.

Aziraphale sighed. _Why does this need to be so complicated?_ He just didn’t want to disappoint him, be so behind all the time. He didn’t want to… damage things between them if he didn’t move a little more forward himself. They deserved this after so many centuries. Right? And so one night when he thought he was finally brave enough, he decided he’d try something from human intimacy… a kiss possibly.

It was so nerve-racking, it really was, but once decided it needed to be done. So he resolutely went to the sofa where Crowley was sprawled. He took his chin into his palm a little more roughly than intended and then bent down to do the… thing. The… _kissing thing_.

And it was… weird. It was just weird and messy and slimy and_ did I say weird?_ The demon went absolutely rigid, and Aziraphale didn’t feel anything he read about so many times. No sparks. No rainbow. No unicorns. No sounds of music. Absolutely no charm and bells. Just a touch of skin to skin on the weirdest place of the human body. Well… maybe not the weirdest but…

He quickly withdrew once he realised his mistake and closed his eyes in shame, but it was done and he needed to face consequences now.

Crowley had not moved yet. Actually no sound was heard from him, and Aziraphale carefully lifted his blue eyes to look at him, and at that moment the demon got from his trance. He quickly sat up as if he had been burned. Aziraphale gulped hard.

_Oh. My. God. What have I done?_

“I…” Aziraphale started to stutter but was interrupted by Crowley’s, “What?”

They stared at each other, no smiles in their expressions, no understanding, just… disbelief in Crowley’s face and fear in Aziraphale’s.

“What...?” Crowley rasped again, and then asked, “Why did you do that?”

Aziraphale took a step backwards and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Then he threw his hands apart. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry. The… thing between us… I thought you thought it was time to move on to the next level, do the next step, move more quickly. I’ve read all about it in books, and I thought you were interested in these human things, that you...”

“I’m not.”

Aziraphale blinked. And he blinked a few more times. “You are _not_?” he asked. “I thought that you’d want…”

“I don’t, angel.” Both his answers were said in such a neutral impersonal voice that it pained Aziraphale’s ears to hear them.

“Oh… oh… oh _thank Heaven_!” he breathed in whisper.

Now it was Crowley who opened his mouth to gape “What?”

“Oh, thank Heaven, Crowley! I was so worried I’d disappoint you. All these human things, this intimacy, it’s just so…”

“Weird.”

“Messy.”

“Unnatural.”

“Crazy.”

“Horrible.”

“I hope not too horrible, though?”

“No. All the rest is lovely.”

They smiled at each other, understanding finally restored again.

“I’m sorry,” Aziraphale said again, but there was an ease in his posture now.

“Don’t be. You startled me, ’s all.” Crowley smiled a little once more, and then he patted the seat of Aziraphale’s sofa. “Now come here and read to me some more.”

Aziraphale sat beside him, breathing a sigh of relief and stretched for the book lying on the nearby table.

“Thank you, my dear.”

Crowley lied down again and got comfortable. “You are quite welcome, angel, but don’t do it again.”

“Never…”

Then Aziraphale started reading and never did it again.


End file.
